just let go



you'll be fine.

I want to be a kid.

I want to immerse myself in art. I want to immerse myself in life, in love, in living. I want to immerse myself in fashion, in literature, in travel, in languages. I want to immerse myself in individuality and independence. I want to immerse myself in something that is greater than me. I don't want anything else to matter beyond that. I want to immerse myself in art, to see the world as a true artist sees it. A true artist can only see the world once he or she is willing and open to it. When we close our minds it's as if our peripheral is closed off and we are oblivious to all of the real, true beauties and lives around us. I want to see those beauties and lives. I want to feel them, I want to experience them. I want to capture them and interpret them. I want to be art. I want to immerse myself in life. I am tired of doing nothing, not living. Only when living will I be able to open my peripheral and see all of the art and beauties around me. I want to immerse myself in love. I want to be open to the once so unfathomable idea that someone can love me, that I am capable of loving back, and that I deserve love. I want to be wrapped up tight in love, I want to see love, I want to experience love, I want to feel love, I want to photograph, paint, write about, and interpret love. I want to see the world through the eyes of love. I want to immerse myself in fashion, creating my own theories and ideas about it. I want put together my own ensembles that, even if they don't make any sense to the outside eye, can be the child of my creativity. Fashion is not something that a secret elite somewhere far off creates. Fashion is there for everyone. Fashion is not something that can be seen and judged. Fashion is the interpretation of how we feel, just simply placing it in our wardrobe. Fashion is not meant to be strictly beautiful - oh, there are so many other adjectives that are available to describe it, both good and bad, appealing and unappealing. Everyone can have fashion, in fact everyone does have fashion, by default. We just have to open our eyes to individuality. I want to immerse myself in individuality, no longer defining myself by other's standards. I am me, and I am important in my eyes. So those who disagree or believe otherwise simply mean nothing to me. I will not be an unhappy person because of someone else's invalid, unimportant opinions. I am me, and that is who I've been from birth and who I'll remain until death and beyond. I cannot change that, nor am I trying to. The only worth that matters is my own, in my own eyes. I want to immerse myself in literature, travel, and languages. I want to create pictures and worlds in my head simply by words that I've read on a page. I want those words to pulse through my veins and show me feelings that otherwise could not be felt. I want to travel and see the world beyond what I know. I want to see the world through the eyes of others, I want to see what others continents away see every morning. I want to open my eyes to the differences in life that make us all so special. I want to learn languages, speak multiple tongues so fluently that my origin won't easily be discovered. I want to learn languages in order to immerse myself in those worlds of others that will only come after immersing myself in travel. I want to immerse myself in it.
Everything happens in circles, cycles, and rotations.
I want to make a complete orbit.

beauty in paintings

i remember seeing her paintings a while back and LOVING them but not knowing who the painter was exactly, but thanks to this month's issue of Nylon magazine, i've found out the the creator of these beauties is kime buzzelli.

I want to write beautiful words

I want to write beautiful words that flow together like a stream whose simple and soft currents never stop. I want to write beautiful words that will be everlasting like the trees whose leaves fall from the place that they were once so tightly held, still standing, with the quiet promise of them growing back tomorrow. I want to write beautiful words that even in subtle fragments can bring forth emotions that lie hidden deep beneath our surface. I want to write beautiful words that lie in bed with me at night, piecing together my life like a storybook. I want to write beautiful words that in themselves create a world of their own, left to be imagined and interpreted by others in whichever way they please. I want to write beautiful words that do not judge or place boundaries and limitations on this world. I want to write beautiful words that cannot be seen, only heard and felt.

I want to speak beautiful words.

i stood outside for an hour in 35 degree weather and snow in texas

i need to get myself back.

i miss me.








birthday tomorrow


"throw the thought of us away,you'll be alone this holiday,"


I think that it's about time that I let you go. I've completely lost myself largely because of you and I'm tired of you bringing me down. It's about time that I came from under your controlling grasp. My goal in life is to be happy and I refuse to do that with you over me like a black cloud. I'm tired of you making me feel horrible, low, and incompitent. I'm ready to see what life's like without you.
I am my own person, not yours. You don't control me anymore.
I refuse to hold my opinions and bite my tongue for you any longer.

time goes so fast

but so slow

going over old stuff,

i'm glad to see just how much i've grown

and i honestly never thought i'd say that

and i just hope that i keep growing



i want to live in a tiny little place with hardwood floors and plain white walls that i can decorate and paint and draw on and hang things up on with lots of little nooks and crannies and little places that i can tuck myself away in and with lots and lots of windows that i won't put curtains on just so that i can see how bright it is and the world around me and people walking and loving and living life like i never thought i'd be able to, but that i will.

pick a star on the dark horizon

it ends with a tr-tr-tr-tr-tr-trickle

1 2 3 4 5 6 and 7

i don't feel like being around people today.

mediocrasy's a'comin knocking at my door

summer's OVERRRRR! it's pretty much a good thing, i actually can't wait to go back to school. BUT this summer sucked. it was completely boring, i did nothing, i didn't go anywhere, i didn't take as many photographs as i had anticipated, i didn't get a job like i wanted to, i didn't go to driving school, and i hardly finished my summer assignments (i have to do them today!) oh well, i personally feel more comfortable when i'm in school anyway. but i've realized that i've got to stop being so damn cynical and pessimistic all the time, it will get me NO WHERE in life; i've just got to suck things up and live with them. too much of life already has been wasted being a sourass.

things that i DID gain this summer were a better sense of personal style, both fashion-wise and artistically/creatively, a better sense of self (i believe?), i picked up a little french (well... the only thing that i can say in french is "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK FRENCH," sad right?), and even though it was monotonous to excruciating proportions, it wasn't as psychologically stressing as last summer, which i had thought it was definitely going to be.

so i guess i can't say it was bad. it was okay. and now i'm ready to grow a little more. (:

i don't wanna go to sleep, 'cause i don't wanna wake up

bec parsons

i looked up a little fashion photography to pass my mind today, since it's been going in all kinds of directions. i liked these.
photographs by bec parsons.